The Ladies of the ring
by Kita chan
Summary: Three girls get throw into middle earth by trying to rent the Lotr's movie. Can they get out, or are they stuck forever and ever, not like that a bad thing.Now with don't play with the toaster! AND NO ONE IN LOVE! But there are some licks!
1. Chapter 1 NO DRESSES! RIVENDELL! ELROND

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 1- NO DRESSES! RIVENDELL! ELROND YOU ARE SO DEAD!  
  
A/n: I was kinda bored, and had been reading the "Two fan girls get trapped in middle earth" stories too much. So I decide three would be funnier. Oh yeah, Kazuko is myself, and Lin & Rei are my friends, and we talk about lord the of rings a lot...  
  
Lin looked at her watch, and then up at her friend Rei. "Where is Kazuko, She should have been here an hour ago!"  
  
Rei stamped her foot, "This is Kazuko we are talking about, her Dad probably from something she had to do before she could come, or she got lost."  
  
Lin sent a dirty look Rei's way. "Rei, who would make their child wait, when Lord of the rings are involved?"  
  
Rei smirked, "Well some people hate Lord of the rings you know."  
  
"Yeah, and that why there are the 'Funny farms,'" Lin said, doing the finger quotes.  
  
Rei and Lin looked around for Kazuko again, the tall girl running up to them, her hair back in a ponytail. "Sorry 'bout that, Mom made me do the dishes." She said, feeling the back of her neck, then looking up with them with a smile. "You all ready?" She asked.  
  
Rei, Lin, and Kazuko went down to the video store, backpacks in hand, along with money. The three girls walked in, it being almost empty, save the check out guy with really big nose hairs and pimples, lots of pimples. He smirked at the three and lead up at his post. He winked at them, and Kazuko growled. Lin and Rei had to drag her away from the video guy so they could get the movie they need so much, Lord of the rings, and seek back to Lin's house to watch it. There was one problem in their plan.  
  
A big problem, there was something wrong with the video shelf, there was something really wrong with it. It was shaking like crazy, but Kazuko didn't notice as she reached for the video on the shelf, that read, 'Lord of the ring' A nice wind warped around her, and Rei and Lin grabbed a hold of their friend. The wind opened up a small portal, and they fell though it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Frodo stood up as the Council began to disagree over the ring, and it's fate. Before a fight broke out, Frodo spoke, "I will take the ring, OOF!" Three girls, who had daze looks, about crushed him, falling from the sky.  
  
The Three girls where on top of Frodo, and weren't as dressed as they were before. Kazuko, Lin, and Rei were missing some of their pants legs, Kazuko was missing most of her shirt, Lin was missing half of her back pack, and Rei was missing the back of her shirt. All of the council stared at the semi-dressed girls.  
  
Kazuko was the first to speak, "Rei," Rei was the closest person to her, that she knew, any ways, "Is that your hand on my ass?" She asked, in a monotone voice.  
  
Frodo managed to some of himself out of the group of girls to said, "Somebody, HELP!"  
  
Elves lifted the girls off him, and dragged them into the other parts of the house of Elrond, to get new clothes. There where dress picked out for them, each one only different by color, but the girls threw out threats and fought hard not to wear them. After a threat was put on Elrond's life, the poor Elves when out in search of some pants and tunics for them.  
  
After this was done, they met with Elrond in the great hall, along with the fellowship. "Now then, our new problem at hand," Elrond said as they entered the room. "Where, little girls, are you from?"  
  
Kazuko, Rei, And Lin looked at each other, "We are from a land far from here, and," Lin started, "We wish nothing more, than to be apart of the fellowship, for it will probably lead though our lands."  
  
"And if it did doesn't?" Elrond asked, not to sure on how to respect this group.  
  
"Well," Kazuko said, "We will have to stick with them to the end."  
  
"You have a problem with that?" Rei added.  
  
"Well, Rei, if he did," Lin started, "I guess we wouldn't be going now would we?"  
  
Rei and Kazuko started laughing at Lin, and poor Lin began to wonder about her friends' sane level. "What?"  
  
Rei looked at Lin, then away from her, to Frodo, who was just standing a shy three feet away from her. They were the same height, and Lin had just noticed that she was his height. Never had anyone turned red as fasted as she did in Rivendell, ever.  
  
" YOU!!!" She snapped at Rei and Kazuko, and looked for something to throw at them. She turned to Aragon, and asked from his sword. "May I see your sword? It would only be a monument." She said, an evil smile on her face. ((All Nny Fans think of his smile, you have hers!)) Kazuko and Rei busted out into more laugher, as Aragon looked confused.  
  
"Gees, Lin, we all knew you were short, but never 'THAT' short!!" Kazuko said, though her laugher.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It took ages for them to get away from Rivendell, it seemed to Gimli, after all, women had no reason, along with elves to go a on a quest like this, and the fact they had been let to go was to him, a disgrace. Gimli glared behind him, as Lin, Rei, and Kazuko were taking to each other. Kazuko lifted her head, her light brown locks shined in the wind, and she glared back at Gimli. Rei grab Kazuko's arm, "Kazuko, we need to think about what is going on, and what happens next."  
  
Kazuko about laughed, "Rei, how many times have we read, and seen the lord of the rings?"  
  
Lin sighed, "Kazuko, how many times have we not read about ourselves in it. Think about it. Us being here, it's a danger to ourselves, and them."  
  
Rei nodded, "See, this is what we have to think about it. We can't help them in way, expect, maybe the battles."  
  
Kazuko looked at her friends, "Well, I'm not sure." She thought for a 'Kazuko minute', which was more like an hour. "Maybe," She said, pulling her friends out of their deep thoughts. "We just make sure the story goes mostly to the storyline it had before."  
  
The three girls nodded.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Fellowship had made it to Moria, and no slip-ups, well, not any very bad slip-ups had happen. The worst so far, was the fact Kazuko, Lin, and Frodo about fell off of the snow path. That was it. And that was all they hoped would go wrong.  
  
Kazuko lend up on the wall next to Legolas, Rei sat down, looking out to the water, with the hobbits and Lin. Gandalf was trying to get the door opened. And he was faulting too. Kazuko looked in her backpack, for something to eat, and walked over to Lin and Rei. "What you see?" She asked, finding an apple in her pack of many things. She took a bit and looked around. "Quite. To quite." She added.  
  
Lin just shrugged, "Look out, and tell me what you see. Water, that's right, and that's it."  
  
Rei and Kazuko just shook their heads and the old door of Moria open with a creak sound. The three girls turned back, to the doorway, and entered.  
  
The darkness was creep, and with Gimli going on about his kin. "It's quite..." Lin said, looking around. "Creep, no?"  
  
"It's not a mine." Boromir said, "It's a tomb."  
  
The whole company was shocked, as Gandalf's light shined over the bodies of the dwarf. Rei, Kazuko, and Lin, shook their heads, then realized they were standing on some dwarfs. "EEK!"  
  
A/N: Stay tuned for Chapter 2 - Dead bodies? A heart of fire? Lothlorien! The Lady of the woods has a mood change?  
  
This story has been brought to you, by fishy wings, sexy fishes, and Orcsy O's for what a morning with out Orcsy O's!  
  
PLEASE REVEIW! I like reviews. Yes I do. And I have one question. Should I do like diary things at the end of the chapters for the girls, or any of the charters for that matter? 


	2. Chapter 2 Dead bodies? A heart of fire?

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 2 - Dead bodies? A heart of fire? Lothlorien! The Lady of the woods has a mood change?  
  
A/N: Hey, guys, important note here, ''- is for elvish, and don't worry, I will tell you that when elvish is first spoken if you get lost. Ten bucks said no one read this.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Many hours had passed, and the only thing in the mines where now the sounds of footsteps; The sounds of hobbits' feet making their ways across the cool stones, the boots of Boromir and Aragon, Legolas's light steps, Gandalf and Gimli, And the three girls, almost as light as Legolas.  
  
With the travel of Kazuko, as everyone had decided for himself or herself, she would keep you alive. One, she had a backpack which seemed she had an unlimited food, drinks, and last but not less, a collection of cards for when things got really quiet. She also was to lively so if anyone would be killed first, it would be her, so you had a chance to run away.  
  
They had found the resting-place of Balin, much to the sorrow of Gimli. The Company found themselves, risking light, for a little, and because of Pippin's moronic ways, he was left on guard duty with Rei, Rei being there to mostly kept everyone alive. Nothing seemed out of place when you are sitting in a tomb, probably for a while, and hey, you get used to the smell of dead flesh, Rei had decided.  
  
There was nothing really there to make any sound, except for Boromir's snoozes. The group was close together, mostly to share warmth since there could be no fires. Kazuko was sitting with Lin, and blanket wrapped around them, thanks again to Kazuko's backpack. A soft wind was around them, mostly from the well in the corner of the room. The door was left ajar.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas looked at Kazuko, as the two there on guard duty. As Legolas has noticed that Kazuko had a weird way of eating an apple, she usual only eat one ring, and gave what was left to Pippin, who in turn would finish it off. This kept Pippin for not going on about being hungry. Here she was, with a half-eaten apple and no one to eat the leftovers. "Kazuko...." Legolas started.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why do you eat your apples that way?"  
  
"I don't like core..." "Core?"  
  
"You know the thing in the middle." Kazuko said, moving her hand in a circle motion as she spoke.  
  
"How about I get rid of the core for you?" Legolas said, trying to find something to do, with out going insane. He reached out and took her apple, and began to cut it with his elvish knife.  
  
When he had cut all of it, he handed it back to her, "This good?" he asked.  
  
Kazuko looked over the apples, and began to pick out pieces.  
  
"What?" Legolas asked, confused.  
  
"There is core in my apple...."  
  
Legolas took the pieces back and took out some more of the core. "Good?"  
  
"Still core."  
  
"GOD DAMMIT, FLAMING FUCKING HELL!" Legolas screamed, and the sounds of Orc's drums to began.  
  
The Fellowship woke in a flash, and they were greeted with a cave troll. He was killed as quick as they could, for it was hard when there was three unarmed girls in their company. The girls were soon knocked out, by the troll falling on them. "Aww fuck!" they said before passing out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei woke up, to Lin's protest. "NO!" She shouted at Aragon, who was trying to help her.  
  
Rei looked over at Kazuko, who was being fixed up by Legolas, but the two had now stopped. "Then who do you want to help you?" Aragon snapped. "You all have four broken ribs!"  
  
"And a fractured pinkie!" Kazuko proclaimed, holding up her hand. Lin was quiet, holding her sides. Rei glared at Aragon.  
  
"Let me fix your pinkie," Legolas said gently, grabbing Kazuko's hand.  
  
She screamed, "OWWWWWWWWW, THAT HURTS!!!"  
  
"Shut up, will you? It is your fault that the Orcs came!"  
  
Aragon stepped away from Lin, grabbing some stones here by him. "And it is your fault Gandalf had to die!" He screamed and began to throw them at Legolas. Poor Kazuko was got in the cross fire as Legolas got his own rocks.  
  
Frodo walked up to Lin, "May I help you?" Frodo asked, a glare sent from Sam to Lin.  
  
"Please."  
  
"HELP! HELP! SAVE ME ELVES!" Kazuko cried, and began to tear up.  
  
Boromir hugged her close, burying his face in her hair. Kazuko only struggled more. "NOT HELPING!" she screeched.  
  
Gimli just laughed, this was different for everyone. Poor little Kazuko fought to be free, only to be saved by Merry of all people. Rei realized that she had been taped up, along before she had woken up.  
  
Legolas dived behind some trees, and Aragon tried to follow, but met with some arrows pointing at his face. 'You all are breathing so loudly we could have shot you in the dark!' Three elvish voices said (Elvish was there...hehe)  
  
Legolas looked up and grinned, 'What the?' Kazuko asked, standing up slowly, as more arrows came out of nowhere.  
  
More Elves came out of nowhere, they foot steps very light, it seemed. 'What do you want?' Rei said quickly.  
  
'Hey, why are we talking in elvish?' Lin asked.  
  
'We are?' Kazuko asked back.  
  
Aragon nodded.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kazuko looked around, Rei and Lin by her side, "Is this?"  
  
"Lothlorien, it looks like it." Rei answered.  
  
"So now we gonna met Galadriel! Maybe she has away for us to get the hell out of here."  
  
"I don't know.....I like it here." Lin said, looking over at Frodo.  
  
"One, it because you are near Frodo." Rei said, and Lin just grinned.  
  
"And you are forgetting one thing, Boromir..." Kazuko said, sending an evil eye Boromir's back.  
  
Galadriel began to walk down the steps, and saw the girls. "OH YOU POOR DEARS!"  
  
The Three girls found themselves in a bear hug.  
  
A/n: And here my rant, MOO! MOO!  
  
Any ways, Thank you all for reviewing, let's see if I can get two more! More things to come, and No, I didn't feel like writing the diaries for this chapter, because of all the time passing, I will probably get around to doing for the next chapter, I just need more, mm, something.  
  
This chapter was brought to you by, Gollum's cavern cleaners, for a happy caverns are clean ones!  
  
Look for the next chapter, The Time has come! The mirror! A way home! Changing winds! An end for one! 


	3. Chapter 3 The Time has come! The mirror!

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 3 - The Time has come! The mirror! A way home! Changing winds! An end for one!  
  
A/N:....enter random thought here, Don't hurt me, I am funny, when I don't try too. I feel like be random. So, MOO! MOO! MOO! Well, I get to read Squee today!! I am just trying to kill some time......Any ways....OH! I forgot to tell you all, but this is a start of a series. MAWAHAHAHA!! **Is hit by a pan, by the hands of three Ring wraiths.** ''- is for elvish  
  
"The time has come-" Aragon said, looking at the people before him.  
  
"The Walrus said, to talk of many things, of shoes, of ship, of ceiling wax, Of cadges and kings." Kazuko said, remembering one of her favorite rhymes.  
  
"And while the sea is boiling hot, Or winder pigs have wings." Legolas finished for her.  
  
Everyone sent a look at Legolas. Yeah, Kazuko had started it, but she was stupid, that was a know fact. But Legolas, he had finished it, making himself on the same level. Or had he? The fellowship found themselves, thinking.  
  
Legolas felt uneasy, everyone was looking at him, and some of them were glaring at him. He felt naked, and everyone was laughing at him; and that had happen before, and he did like it then and not now. Kazuko didn't seem to mind, and had been playing with her sword that Galadriel had given her.  
  
Flashback ((WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWOOOOOO))  
  
Galadriel looked down at Kazuko, her dress in a new tunic, like the other girls. 'You, young one, well have this.' She said, reaching out to a sword that another elf had carried over, holding out the hilt to Kazuko.  
  
Kazuko reach out taking it from Galadriel, and bowed, 'No words can make up for the kindness you have showed my friends and I. Thank you my lady.'  
  
'Use it well,' She said, handing Lin a sword as well.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Rei rolled her eyes when she felt it was time to speak again, "Aragon, you where saying?" she snapped, looking at Kazuko with some distaste, "What time has come?"  
  
"Well, just we should get going, if we want to make the great river in a few days." Aragon said, rubbing the back of his neck. Everyone fell over anime style.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei looked up at Kazuko, just sitting ahead of her, "How much far until we rest?" She asked Lin.  
  
"Well, Rei, Aragon may be standing to where I can see him, but I can't read HIS LIPS!!" Lin shouted at Rei, causing everyone to look back at them.  
  
Kazuko looked at them confused, "What are you to talking about?" she asked, her paddle slowly moving thought the water.  
  
"Gees Kazoo can't you go any faster?" Lin asked, moving in paddle in the same motion, "I feel like a snail back here."  
  
"Hey, I have been paddling longer than you, so just shut up!" Kazuko snapped, and pulled Lin right out of the boat. "Oh shit!"  
  
The two into the water for their lost friend, and after what seemed like hours, Lin's head broke the surface. "YOU BITCH!" She screamed at Kazuko, then busted into laugher as Kazuko sent her a pissed off look. "Aww come on Kazoo, it will be all okay."  
  
Kazuko had a urge to slap her upside the head with her paddle, "You asshole, can't you not scary the living shit out of me when we are trying to do something important!"  
  
"HEY!" Pippin yelled back there, "No skinny dipping without me!" He yelled, smiling and the other Hobbits burst out in laugher.  
  
"If I wanted to skinny dip, I would do it without any of you sick minded pigs!" Kazuko yelled at them, helping Lin into the boat. This didn't work, for they ended up capsizing the poor boat.  
  
The girls hit the water, the icy cold water. Rei and Lin hit the surface before Kazuko, who didn't come up for a while, a long while.  
  
Aragon and Boromir had turned around their boat, along with the others, them picking up the other girls, Legolas, and Gimli looking for the missing Kazuko. The soft winds played over the water, nothing moving. Fear gripped the Fellowship, had they lost one of their own? Legolas lead over, his nose almost touching the water. Rei had finally gotten into Aragon's boat, after much thought, about Boromir. She prayed she would be okay for now, not that Boromir was a bad guy, he was just a perv.  
  
'Aragon, what, where is she?' Legolas asked, his fair elven face locked into a solemn look. ((Elvish again))  
  
Aragon looked into the water, then at the boat. He sighed, turning to the fellowship, popping the back of his neck, "As it seems.... Kazuko is dead." He stopped for a second, collecting his thoughts, "I think we should move on.... But let's not forget, well, her. For it wasn't her, without her lively sprit, her pack back, her snacks, her randomness, and her...her... " Aragon found himself lost for words, on the last part. "Damn, I am gonna miss that kid..."  
  
"Miss who?" A voice asked, from water level.  
  
Aragon jumped back, into the water in shock, and then he was pissed as a bat out of hell. "YOU LITTLE!" He started to bellow. ((That is a fun word))  
  
Kazuko just smiled, "Did you all think I was dead? That so sweet!" She said, hugging Aragon by the neck.  
  
Aragon thought for a second, for this kid would move sometimes faster than a ranger could think. "Nice to see you are alive, now then, can we get into a boat now.... It's kinda cold in here."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The four boats got back into order, and the three girls began to talk within themselves, "What did Galadriel mean by there is only way for us to get home?" Kazuko asked, when they where ear shot away from Legolas.  
  
Flashback  
  
Galadriel called the three girls to her, in the middle of the night. Kazuko hummed along with the choir that was still singing into the wee hours into the night. Rei glared at her until she stopped, and Lin looked up at Galadriel. "My lady, why have you called us to you?"  
  
"I know what you need, a way home." She said, filling the pitcher of water, "I can only think of one way, and it will not be an easy task."  
  
She poured the water into a same bowl, and it began to change, colors pasting though. Then the mirror when black, and nothing moved.  
  
End of flashback  
  
"I don't remember the way." Kazuko said, "Hey look we are heading in for a brake, I guess we can talk later."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Orcs, left and right. Kazuko looked around, seeing Lin leave with Frodo and Sam. That was good, she guessed. She looked around for Rei, not catching sight of her. Kazuko felt herself began to panic. She couldn't leave anyone of them, it would kill her, and she didn't think that they get back at the rate they were going. Why was this happening to her of all people, she couldn't work under stress, and she had no clue what she was doing here in the first place. She needs to be home, this wasn't for her. She looked around for anyone at this point, and saw no one. She waited, after all she was under a tree, and the sounds of footsteps could be heard.  
  
Someone came into the clearing she was in, it was Aragon. "Aragon!" She yelled, and tripped over her own two feet, falling out in front of Aragon, who grabbed her by the tunic, pulling her up to him.  
  
"Where is everyone?"  
  
"Frodo, Sam, and Lin are on their way to the east border. I am not sure were anyone esle is!" Kazuko said, tearing up.  
  
A horn sound in the forest, "Boromir calls for aid!" Aragon snapped, dragging Kazuko into the direction of the horn.  
  
A/n: I am gonna wait again on the diaries until, the next chapter. Well, how was this one? Tell me, I love reviews!!  
  
This chapter was brought to you by Ring Wraiths dry-cleaners, for you know it is dry when it is dry-cleaned by us! 


	4. Chapter 4 Poor Boromir! When is lunch? W

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 4 - Poor Boromir! When is lunch? Where are these Orcs you speak of? WHERE ARE WE!  
  
A/n: Have I been spelling Aragorn's name wrong? I am so sorry, I didn't think I was, but then again, I barley caught myself misspelling my own Charrie's name. Shit, I just looked it up....I am so sorry, I am the world's biggest dumbass! Well, I hope it wasn't in all the chapters, but knowing me it was...Any ways, MOO! I planing on ending it will a cool punk rock thing, as a bonus chapter, sound fun?....Well, please bring your bats to hit me...I need to get smarter. When last we left our heroes, or heroes on heroin...  
  
Kazuko felt her arm about rip off as Aragorn (I SPELLED IT RIGHT!) dragged her across the forest floor. "Gees Kazoo, can't you go faster?" He snapped, partly carrying her now.  
  
"Well, Jackass, if you haven't noticed, but I have shorter legs than you!" Kazuko growled, and Boromir came into view. He didn't look good at all, I mean three arrows in the chest was not good at all. Kazuko stood there, not hearing what Boromir and Aragorn were saying.  
  
"Rest easy, son of Gondor." Was all Kazuko caught, and she felt someone shaking her body.  
  
"Kazuko...Kazuko......KAZUKO!" Legolas called, shaking her like you would a milkshake. "MIDDLE-EARTH TO KAZUKO!" He snapped.  
  
"AAHHHHHH!" Kazuko some how said, her head going back and forth to quickly.  
  
"Legolas, please, the child's head is gonna roll off if you kept doing that." Aragorn said, calmly, "And that would be a shame...." Aragon said, in more of a hopeful voice.  
  
"Where are is Rei, Pippin, and Merry?" Gimli asked, as Kazuko tried to see straight again.  
  
"They were kidnapped, by Orcs, and Uruk-hais," Aragorn said, looking at their blades lying on the ground.  
  
Kazuko picked up Rei's sword off the ground, vowing to kill all those who took her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei was pissed, only a lot. Here she was, captured by Orcs! The smelly shit heads! She thought. And to make things worst, if that was possible, Pippin was hitting on her. She wished it was Boromir, he at lest had better pick up lines. "Hey, Rei," Pippin started, and Rei got ready for an other lame pick up line, "Since we are gonna die, probably painful deaths, you want to sleep with me?"  
  
Rei stopped for a second, and then lost it. "Well, To be truthful," She said sweetly, and Pippin's face lighten, "I would prefer to cutting off your nuts; stuffing them into your mouth, stabbing you in the neck, and leaving in a pond with snakes that eat hobbits, and sleeping with this nice Orc here." She said, patting the head of the Orc who was carrying her, and he was beaming.  
  
Merry burst out laughing, "What about me?" He asked, and Rei when crazy at that point. She flipped off the Orc, taking him out, then taking out a few more. The Orcs stopped, clapping to her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
((This is Lin's part of the story, she wrote it, but I have to change it a little to fit it into the story, OKAY?))  
  
Traveling with Frodo and Sam usually meant no sleep for anyone else who went with them. Luckily, for the sanity of all, Lin could sleep through almost anything, anywhere. A few nights after they left the rest of the fellowship, she laid curled up between Frodo and Sam. Frodo soon fell asleep, his arm around Lin's waist, and Sam frowned. It wasn't that he didn't like Lin, He did. A lot. But he had Rosie Cotton, and he fell asleep cursing Roise's Existence and eyeing the red horizon.  
  
Lin had been growing increasingly quieter since Moria. Her injured ribs had not fully healed, and she found it extremely painful to in breath deeply. In Lothlorien, she had been rebandaged, along with the other girls, but now she was swathed from under her arms down to her belly button. Even Celeborn ((Which all he does any ways is stand there if you ask me...)) thought it had been too much, and that was really saying something.  
  
"Mr. Frodo, eat some Lembas," Sam pleaded the next morning, but Frodo simply shook his head.  
  
"We'll save it for later," He said, and Sam repacked it. They spent another day wandering through the maze of Emun Muil, with Sam gripping and complaining the whole time.  
  
"Frodo," Lin said, pointing towards Mordor, "I think we've been here before, unless the rocks move when we are not looking." Frodo's feet slipped, and he fell on top of Sam. Lin frowned, puzzled. "What the hell was that for?"  
  
"Slipped," He grumbled, and Lin reached over and helped him back up. Sam sniffed the air, making a face.  
  
"Can you smell that Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"Yes, I smell it," He replied grimly. Lin gripped his hand Nervously, her senses alert. "We're not alone."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kazuko looked around; they had been running for what felt like forever. Legolas and Aragorn wound have to carry Gimli and her at this rate, all the way to Rohan. She also felt they were traveling in a big circle, for it was, what she felt as, the fifth time she had passed the same tree.  
  
"THIS IS HOPELESS!" She called back to Gimli, "I feel like we are going in circles, and that here is no right way." She slowed down, to meet up with Gimli.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn had stopped ahead, "Suppose they found something?"  
  
"I 'unno.....Damn my pinkie hurts!"  
  
Kazuko and Gimli met up with Aragorn and Legolas, along with the Riders of Rohan.  
  
"What are these Orcs you speak of?" One asked, getting off a horse, felling on his way down, hitting the ground with a nice splat.  
  
"Who the hell are these freaks?" Kazuko asked, before thinking, again.  
  
"AHH! An evil She-elf!" Another one screamed pointing to Kazuko.  
  
"I guess it is safe to say I am an elf."  
  
A/N: And we end another chapter. It funny how far I haven't come...Any ways, and if you can't tell, I hate the riders of Rohan.  
  
The Eye of Mordor eye drops, for when your eyes are really dry, brought this chapter to you!  
  
Next Chapter: This can only happen to us. You see a road ahead.... OH SH*T THAT NOT MY BUDDY! See I told you they were stupid. 


	5. Chapter 5 This can only happen to us You

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 5- This can only happen to us. You see a road ahead.... OH SH*T THAT NOT MY BUDDY! See I told you they were stupid.  
  
A/n: I have had just great Reviewers!! I thank you all so much! *Feels all warm and fuzz in side.*  
  
Kazuko looked at the Riders of Rohan, and the two who were on the ground. "These are the riders of Rohan?" She asked Aragorn.  
  
"They seem to be, but I never remember them this way." He answered, looking the head dude ((I have no clue what his name is, because, if you can't tell, I hate the riders of Rohan!)) "The Question, have you seen some Orcs?"  
  
"What are Orcs?" The head guy asked, Confused.  
  
Kazuko about laughed, "There are the ugliest thing in the world. Like Him!" She laughed, pointing to a rider on one of the horses that was in fact. An Orc, of all things.  
  
Legolas looked at them, confused, "Why are you traveling with an Orc?" He asked, watching the Orc, as he bites a rider near him.  
  
"Well, he is really friendly, you know!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
((Lin wrote this, :-P))  
  
Lin lay beside Frodo, her finger stroking his palm (cupped over her hand) they all lay awake, to all appearances asleep. And they heard him.  
  
"Thieves," A voice spat above them. "Tricksy Thieves. They stoles it, My precious. We wants it, Tricksy thieves. We want our precious, and we wants it now.."  
  
"Now!" Lin screamed, and she and the boys leapt up, swords drawn. A Horrible fight began. Gollum kicked Sam in the face, who slammed into a pile of sharp rocks. Frodo tried to back away, Gollum grabbed the chain, struggling for the ring. Frodo was about to give up when Lin threw Gollum of him, and Frodo slumped to the ground, weak. Lin tried to hit Gollum, but he began to straggle and shake her, wide eyed. Black spots danced before her eyes, and she chocked out, "Sam." Sam, his face bleeding, grabbed Gollum from around his neck, and Lin slumped, trying desperately to breathe through he nearly crushed windpipe. Frodo grabbed sting and rushed to aid Sam.  
  
He pulled back Gollum's Head by the few hairs on his head, pointing his sword at Gollum's Throat. "This is sting. You seen him before," He said. "Release him, or I'll cut your throat." Defeated at last, Gollum released Sam, who ran to help Lin, Still struggling to breathe. Gollum wailed, a long, loud, cry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The night before  
  
Rei looked around, after all, she was on the ground, and here where no Orcs for guards for her. This was good; she could try and get away. But wait; could she leave Pippin and Merry here, with the Orcs? She thought for a moment, and decide to look for them. After all, she did hate them, at times, but she wasn't cold hearted.  
  
She crawled slowly to another group of Orcs, after all her legs and hands were tied. She looked around, the sounds of the Orcs fighting over what to eat. She looked for Merry and Pippin, who she soon noticed them around the way.  
  
Pippin was trying to wake Merry, who was badly hurt. Pippin looked up, and saw Rei. He looked somewhat happy. Well, not to happy, after all, his best Friend was laying there, bleeding from his head.  
  
"I'M HUNRGY!" An Orc yelled, "WE HAVEN'T HAD MEAT FOR DAYS!"  
  
Another Orc looked over at Rei and the Hobbits, "We could eat them, and they look nice and tasty."  
  
Arrow shoot through the air, kill some Orcs. Rei and Pip managed to get Merry up and the three began to crawl away. The Three crawled their way to the forest behind the battle, looking for a way to cut their ties. A sword fell from the sky, and the three looked at each other.  
  
Pippin was the first to speak, "Well, do you think that was planned by some one or what?"  
  
"Pip, Why question something like that? Hey, Rei what are you doing?"  
  
"What does it look like?" Rei snapped, as the ties on her hands were cut. "I am getting the hell out of here, you are welcome to come along.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
((I am writing this part!!))  
  
Lin looked at Gollum, as Sam handing her the pan with some bacon in it. "I don't like him, he is too, well, untrusting of us."  
  
"Well, we did bind him," Frodo said, "Gandalf was right."  
  
"What was that, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked, watching their fire to make sure that it didn't get to big.  
  
"Gandalf said, something like when I saw him, I would pity him. And I do, Sam." Frodo said, eyeing Gollum, whop had been tied to a rock.  
  
"One woman for the two Hobbitsss." He said, after a long silent.  
  
This was a mistake, which Gollum would soon learn never to say to them, in front of Lin. Lin had now jumped to her feet, and began to go off on Gollum. Some of things that where said, not caught by Sam or Frodo. Most of the things that were on the other hand run along with things that they had never heard anyone say, or want to say.  
  
Lin grabbed Gollum by the neck, and began to chock him. It took Sam and Frodo to get her off him, and it involved a lot of pain on their part. "You stinker, "Sam began to yelled, "Give me one good reason why we should let her rip you apart."  
  
Frodo glared at Sam, "Sam, please. Lin, let it go." He said, and a peace pasted though the group. For now anyways.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Legolas, Kill it." Aragorn said, lazily.  
  
Legolas raised an arrow, and shoot the Orc dead off his horse. Many of the riders called out, "NO! JIMMY-BOY!"  
  
Gimli and Kazuko raised an eyebrow, "This was very well,-" Kazuko started, and Aragorn cut her off.  
  
"Shut up Kazuko." He said, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Make me." She said, moving her shoulders up and down, at opposite times.  
  
"That was very sluttish if you ask me." Aragorn said, "Come on, we should go where they told us."  
  
The riders of Rohan left, leaving them with 3 horses. "Okay, what ever." And everyone disappeared over the hills.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei climb over some roots, followed by Merry and Pippin, her stopping every now and then, to wait for them. She rest up against a tree, and looked around. "I wonder where we are." She said aloud. "It has been a long while since we have seen anything but plants, no animals."  
  
"REI! REI! HELP!" She heard the two hobbits call out.  
  
"What the hell have the gotta themselves into now." She wondered, and turned back, only to see the largest walking tree she had ever seen, it holding Merry and Pippin. "Oh shit."  
  
A/n: Well, this was a tad different, only cuz well, I am not sure. Note to self, remember snappy sayings. Well, how do you all like the little sayings at the end, they are pretty catching huh?  
  
Well, there is your all-new one.  
  
This Chapter was brought to you by, Shire Jelly, for it not toast and Jam, until you use Shire jelly.  
  
Legolas: And I happen to know! *Holds up a can of Shire Jelly* Now where is my fifty bucks?  
  
Next Chapter: Waves of war! I want my Mommy! Where is my fifty bucks? See, I told you! Is that Helms deep? 


	6. Chapter 6 Waves of war! I want my Mommy!

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 6- Waves of war! I want my Mommy! Where is my fifty bucks? See, I told you! Is that Helms deep?  
  
A/n: Don't you all just love these, and I highly doubt anyone reads these. I mean, hell, I never do. I think I did once, and it was about two paragraphs. That was a turn off. Well? Doesn't anyone care about my rants?  
  
Lin looked around, the dead marshes, she hated the marshes, and they were so, well dead. And smelly, like Gollum. A lot like Gollum, thinking about it. Sam was not helping nor was Frodo in this case. It seems they were to busy thinking about the shire, and if they would ever see it again. She wanted to slap them, after all, there they were, following this, shim, though some marshes where bodies were rotting! That what Gollum was to her, a shim!  
  
She was going crazy, and Frodo had gotten the idea when she was chewing a piece of wood from her pack, which was put there by Kazuko, she was sure of it. She didn't care in the long run, and as it when for her wood chewing, it was only a toothpick. No trouble has ever been started with a toothpick. Kazuko chewed them all the time, and come to think of it, Kazuko had been chewing one when she first met her.  
  
So she was picking up some of Kazuko's habits, so what. She thought for a second, "OH MY GOD!" She yelled, "I AM TRUNING INTO KAZUKO!"  
  
Sam dropped the pan he was holding on his foot, cursing loudly. Frodo began to explain to Lin that she was Lin, not Kazuko, and she needs to remember that. Lin when on about if she picked up Kazuko's habits that she would turn into her, and all that was middle earth would be gone. Lin was also hungry, and when someone like her gets hungry, they get really strange. This was one of those times, for the group had gone a while with out food, and Lin was losing it. She betters with food, Frodo hoped.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei looked at the Ent, Treebread, and the two Hobbits as well. She had her mouth wide open, her eyes a tad widens, and she felt like Kazuko would being faced with walking in on her mom and dad. She felt like someone who had gone to school in their underwear. "Treebread?" She said, her mouth opens a little to let out the words.  
  
"So you have heard of me, little orc." He said, looking down at Rei, and his eyes filled with angry, and he some how got her into his hands within a few seconds, and Pippin was now by her side.  
  
"I am not an orc, and do I have to be with him? I rather be alone if you don't mind."  
  
"Not an Orc? Then what are you?" He asked, and Rei looked at Pippin who had his eyebrow raised.  
  
"I am a human, and these poor excuses for males are hobbits." She said, looking at the Ent's golden eyes. "And besides, we have no time for this, we are waiting to met up with our friends." She said, and the Ent hushed her.  
  
"We will see what the white wizard says." He said, and Rei just sighed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kazuko looked over the battlefield, with the three "boys" as she began to call them, look over the land. Kazuko's nose winkled up, "The riders did this? Those brain-less twats?" She asked, the only person close to her, Legolas.  
  
"Well, who could have beside them? Elves don't like this land; too much blood had been spilled if you ask me. Dwarves are to far up in the Mountains, so it had to be them, Rei and the Hobbits didn't have swords."  
  
"You are right," Kazuko said, "What Forest is that?" She asked pointing to the woods behind them.  
  
"I say, Fargon, but I am not sure."  
  
"Could it be that is where they are? I mean, that be the next place to go, right?" She asked, and Aragorn walked back up to them.  
  
"They have gone into the Forest, and we must follow them."  
  
"I noticed." Kazuko said, yawning.  
  
"Smartass."  
  
"You called?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Food, Food, Food." Lin said, over and over again, followed by Sam saying, "Ale, Ale, Ale." In the same tone, and Frodo bring up the rear with, "Bath, Bath, Bath."  
  
And this is how they walked, and been walking for many miles through the Dead marshes for hours, and with Gollum leading them on with no end in sight. "TI could be worst you know, we could be eating him." Sam said, "And who would want to eat him?"  
  
"I don't know Sam." Frodo started, "But if we did, what would happen then?"  
  
"We choke on his bones?" Sam said, making a point.  
  
"Well, no, we wouldn't have a guide. Then we be lost. For a ling time. Never seen again."  
  
"Frodo, if I where you I would have never had started talking about who we could eat first." Lin said, "We should have some food left. We just have to save it."  
  
"I did?"  
  
"Yeah, about an hour ago."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei sighed, she was now riding on Top of Treebread's shoulder, and Pippin and Merry were telling him about the shire. Rei looked around, trees passing her as she tried to name them. "Hey, Where we going?" She asked, looking up at Treebread.  
  
"To a place." He answered, "Why are you in a hurry?" He asked, and then laughed.  
  
"No, I just wanted to know, then, when would be a good time to get ruin of someone. Is now good?"  
  
"A Finer time than ever." Treebread replied.  
  
This was a mistake, for Pippin found himself fling to the ground, and hitting it will a loud spat. "PIP! PIP!" Merry called, "ARE YOU OKAY?"  
  
"I AM FINE!" Pippin called back up, dusking himself off, she just got me surprised and all."  
  
"Well, if you didn't put your hand on my ass, we would not have this problem."  
  
"I didn't."  
  
"Thrust me you did."  
  
"I did?"  
  
"Yes, Pippin you did. Now drop it." She said, getting angry.  
  
"I see," He said, thinking.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"The White Wizard is coming." Legolas said, a raised his bow, looking into the growth. All was still, and each one of the travelers felt like they all had one chance. Foots steps came up, almost as soft as an Elf.  
  
A light blinded them, and they felt like deer in headlights. "You have come a long way. I saw a two Hobbits and a girl past there, a two day ago."  
  
A/n: Need More? Well I would like some more reviews!!  
  
This Chapter was brought to you by, Rivendell hospital, because we fix you up right!  
  
Next Chapter: Helm's Deep! How low can you do! I feel like some breakfast please. Is that supposed to happen? 


	7. Chapter 7 Helm's Deep! How low can you d

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 7- Helm's Deep! How low can you do! I feel like some breakfast please. Is that supposed to happen?  
  
A/n: LALALALAL ELMO'S WORLD! There are gonna be some really inside jokes in the later chapters, but hey that sounds cool don't it?  
  
"NO WAY IN HELL I AM I PUTTING ON THAT!" Kazuko said, looking at the dress in front of her. "Eowyn, you are crazy, I am not wearing that." She searched her brain for a few more words, "It's, a-a-a-a"  
  
"Dress," Eowyn finished for her. "Just wear it, you smell like a man when you in what you are wearing."  
  
"And my hair is too oily. And there is too much dirt on my face, and should I care? Nope." Kazuko said, "Because I am the queen of grass stains. I don't care how I smell."  
  
Eowyn glared, "Look, just bathe okay. How long has it been for you? Months?"  
  
"I unno, it was back when, No wait, once after that."  
  
"Okay, okay it doesn't matter, just bathe. You probably look like a normal elven maiden under there, some where."  
  
Kazuko felt herself glared at Eowyn. "Please die." She said, to herself.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Please Die."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"PLEASE DIE!" Kazuko said, and Eowyn slapped her.  
  
"You are a funny little girl." She said, and left the room for Kazuko to vent.  
  
Kazuko grabbed a chair, and threw it into the wall. The chair broke into millions of piece as it hit it, and she looked for something else to throw. She hated this, all of this. She wanted to go home. She wanted to be with her friends, and going to school again. This had lost all of it's fun. She just wanted to be okay, and normal again. Or as normal as she was.  
  
She curled up on the floor, holding her knees to her chest. She missed them, and for that moment, she realized how much. They were her only ties to her old life, and they were outside, in other parts of middle-earth.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei sighed, the Ents where still talking, and Pippin and Merry where nearby. The two hobbits where throwing rocks at the woods behind them. Rei just sat there, felting a little tried. It was a different kind of tried, not like sleepy tried, a mental tried. She yawned looking over at Pippin and Merry who now looked back at her. "Hey, Rei," Pippin said, his voice filled with concern. "You know you look like shit right?"  
  
"Pippin, where would I be with out you? You are almost as good as Kazuko pointing out shit people already know. A real Captain Obvious you know that." She said, and Pippin glared.  
  
"You know, you can be a real Bi-" Treebread had returned and looked at the three.  
  
"I have told you names to the group, and we have made a decision." He said, and stopped.  
  
Pippin and Merry looked at him waiting. Minutes ticked by, witched made it seem like hours, till Merry spoke up, "And?"  
  
Treebread snapped out of his tree like-state, "Oh, yes, Right. We have decide, that you are not Orcs."  
  
"Well, That is good news." Pippin said, smiling a little. Rei put her head in her hands, hoping to god this all would end soon.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lin looked in her backpack again. Their food was low, really low. She sighed and looked again. Still no food. This was bad, real bad.  
  
Frodo looked around, up at the black gate. "There it is." He said, looking over at Sam.  
  
Sam inhaled, "I am coming with you."  
  
"You don't have to."  
  
"Yes, I do, I promised, and Samwise Gamgee keeps his promises." Sam said, and nodded.  
  
"I guess that makes me along for the ride?" Lin asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Already then!" Gollum grabbed a hold of Frodo, "Master can't go in! MASTER CAN'T BRING IT TO HIM! Me now an other way in!"  
  
"You do!"  
  
Gollum nodded and started them up a hill.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kazuko looked over the people who they where leading to Helms Deep. She sighed, and looked around. "Hey Legolas," she called to the prince, only for him to ignore her. "Legolas. LEGOLAS!" She snapped, and he ignored her again. This got to her. "HEY YOU RECKNECK ASS ELF!" She snapped, and Legolas turned around to look at her, a glare coming from his eyes.  
  
"What?" He asked, glaring, and pulling down what were, her headphones.  
  
"NANI! Those are mine!" She snapped, and tried to grab it off his lap, but he got out of her reach.  
  
"Well," He said, patting his horse, "It was in your pack, and I wanted to do something. I guessed how to work them."  
  
"I am so proud, give it back. Now." She said, going in to bitch mood.  
  
"Nah, I think I will hold on to them until we get to Helms Deep." He said, watching her face balloon up in rage. "You don't mind do you?"  
  
"Mind? MIND! Of course I do! Give them here!" She snapped, reach over, to far. She when falling to the ground, she closed her eyes, this was not going to be pretty.  
  
Legolas reacted as anyone would, he grabbed her by her waist and replace her back on the horse. "You should be more careful." He stated, making her glare, "We hate to see you have an early end."  
  
"That is so Bs, Aragorn and Gimli have been planning my death since we left Rivendell."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Yeah, or as it seems. Let's me guess, you are in on it too."  
  
"Nah, It is not my style." Legolas said, "Besides, if I wanted to kill you, I do it when you were asleep."  
  
"THAT IS NOT FRIENDLY!" She yelled, as Helm Deep came into view.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei sighed, she lifted her head, looking up at The Hobbits. To the shire, that where they were going, and she yawned. The last place she need to be. She looked up at Pippin, who winked at her.  
  
"Treebread," He said, "I think we should go south."  
  
"South?" The old Ent asked, looking confused, along with Merry, "but that is close to Islengard, Master Peregrin."  
  
"Yes, well, the closer we are to danger, the way I fingure," he said, sounding sure of himself, "The farer we are from it then."  
  
Rei smiled, they were going into battle.  
  
A/n: And so ends, another chapter. What am I up to now? 7? Sweet!  
  
This chapter was brought to you by, Riders of Rohan Horse washers, If your horse ain't clean, we didn't clean it!  
  
Next Chapter: A battle, at last. You look like an Orc! Peace on earth! I am coming! I WANT A COOKIE! 


	8. Chapter 8 A battle, at last You look lik

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 8-A battle, at last. You look like an Orc! Peace on earth! I am coming! I WANT A COOKIE!  
  
A/n: Will it ever end? I want to know.  
  
Aragorn searched thought the piles and piles of Chain mails, not finding one to his liking. "No, to big.No to small." He said, and made sure to throw them over his head. After throwing one chain mail (too small) it was a followed by an ouch.  
  
Kazuko stood behind him, "Seen any my size?" She asked, holding her eye.  
  
"You ain't going out." He said, and turned back to the pile. The sound of a Chain mail moved behind him, and he turned back.  
  
"This one is your size.Now give me one my size." She said, using the voice at all women have. You know, the one that gives them the power over every male in the room. She held it out to him, and then pulled it back when he tried to get it from her.  
  
"No, now gimme." He snapped.  
  
"You know, if you did grow up around elves, you think you have better manners." Kazuko said, and hopped up on one of the few tables in the deep. "So, I know you have a Chain mail about my size. Give me. Now."  
  
Aragorn smirked at Kazuko, "What are you trying to do, Kazoo? Prove yourself? To whom? If this were Lin or Rei, I would give them one. But you? I don't think so." He shook his head, "Go down with the women and children, Kazoo, You can't help us here."  
  
"You said, that you need the help of anyone who can carry and use a sword, to come to fight. I can lift a sword, and I do not fear death. Most of the Men and Boys are scared out of their minds. What are you gonna do for them? Send them to early graves." Kazuko rose, and began to look for some body armor. "If you don't let me fight, I will anyways."  
  
"A bold move."  
  
Kazuko tossed aside a chain mail (WHAT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR THAT?!!) "A bold move? Ha, What is a bold move in wars? A life saver sometimes."  
  
"And also death."  
  
"Aragorn shut the hell up!" Kazuko yelled and toss the armor she had in her hand at him.  
  
Legolas, flew backwards in shook, hit the wall behind him. "Legolas?" The two Warriors asked in unison.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei looked around, at the fall of Islengard. The Ents had ran-sacked everything. She sighed, and turned to Pippin, "This is a freak show. Wanna go see if there Orcs or anything to take care of?"  
  
"Orcs? Why you want to go kill some Orcs."  
  
"Revenge."  
  
"Aww."  
  
Pippin followed Rei, the best he could, down from the rocks above. "You move like Aragorn, or another Ranger." He called after her.  
  
"At less one of us does, Pip. Now hurry, I think there are a few more Orcs on the western ledge." Rei said, looking over that way. "And we both want to have fun!"  
  
"Well, this isn't what I call fun!" Pippin cried, and slipped on a rock. Rei must have gained some of Aragorn reaction, for she caught Pippin as he flew in the air.  
  
"You alright?" She asked.  
  
Pippin grinned, the only way he knew how, and it was not what any woman wanted to see. "I am now!"  
  
Rei began to rage, then threw Pippin down the rocks below. "FUCKING LOSER!"  
  
Good thing Merry was there to brake Pippin's fall. "'Allo Pip!" He called, cheerfully. "What brings you here?"  
  
"Rei, she threw me down you know. Very nice on her part, not making me walk!"  
  
Rei suddenly feel like she had named herself the wife of a Hobbit by the name of Pippin.  
  
"To war!" An Ent yelled, as he pasted by.  
  
"A FREE RIDE, FOR SOMEONE LIKE MYSELF TO THE BATTLE?" Rei called, deciding that the best thing for her was to get away, fast. And this Ent was moving too slow, for her. "WELL?"  
  
The Ent stood to think, his brow tighten in thought. "Why Miss?" He asked after a long while, when Rei had almost decided to sleep. "You don't seem to have a place in this war."  
  
"The Little ones always have a place." She answered.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lin looked around, as Gollum lead them into a cave. She was to hungry to remember what was going to happen next, but she didn't care at this point. All that was on her mind was sleep, good food, and a TV. She was ready to kick back, and welcome the end of the world.  
  
The cave was dark, and smelly. Kind of like Gollum come to think of it. She looked around, which was hard, for there was no light. It wasn't good, not right. That clicked in her mind. Of course, they had run out of food about three days ago, which left judgment to be clouded.  
  
But if this what she thought it was, they were in for deep shit. The Lair of Shelob was not going to be a fun-fill time. And she wanted no part of it, no thank you madam.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Kazoo." Aragorn stared, and Kazuko glared.  
  
"What Now?"  
  
"You look like an Orc. How can you fight if someone kills you because you look like a Damn orc?" He asked, and Kazuko looked around.  
  
"Well, here!" She cried, grabbing a flag, pulling it off the pole, and tying it around her head. "Now are you please?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, whatever."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lin sighed, and looked around again. She had been hearing things move in the darkness, and Gollum had disappeared. Shelob was on her way, waiting to feast on their hobbit flesh. She was not looking forward for that.  
  
She walked along side Frodo and Sam, waiting. Something moved, behind them. "Frodo," Lin whispered, "Do you still have the star from the lady?" She asked.  
  
"Yes, why?"  
  
"Use it, now." Lin said, urging him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because, there is something really nasty behind us."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Kazuko!" Legolas called, the early hours of light shining though the clouds of the night. The Orcs were preparing for another attack, in a few hours, and this gave time to Rohan, to gather up their dead. Legolas looked over the valley; it covered in blood, and death.  
  
"Kazuko!" He called again, and listened.  
  
"WHAT!" A voice weakly called back. "I am trying to sleep here."  
  
A/n: Don't you hate it when you see these? They are so.so...well, a big pain in the butt if you ask me.  
  
This Chapter was brought to you by, Mirkwood wine cellars, if the wine there isn't the oldest wine you have ever had, it's not from us.  
  
Next Chapter: YOU! YOU! Missing people? Okay, okay, who ordered the large Spider; did you want it, raw, or well done? 


	9. Chapter 9 YOU! YOU! Missing people? Okay

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 9- YOU! YOU! Missing people? Okay, okay, who ordered the large Spider; did you want it, raw, or well done?  
  
A/n: Well, I don't care about the Ents; they were cool, until I started to write about them. Oh well, anyways. On with the story. Sorry if all of your ideas on what the spelling are in the story aren't the same. You are working with someone with a learning disable.  
  
Aragorn looked around the hall, for something else to stop the Orcs from coming though. He was pissed; mostly at Legolas who had gonna to the last beer in Helm deep before he did. And what he didn't understand was how he did it.  
  
Flash back  
  
Aragorn lead over a fallen Warrior, the Warrior still alive and in a lot of pain. "Lord Aragorn, before I die, I have one thing to say, lead in close." Aragorn nodded and did so. "There is one beer in the cellar."  
  
Legolas looked up, "Beer?" He asked. Yes, Legolas, being a Mirkwood elf, was every fond of wine, and beer was going to have to do. He disappeared, looking for the Cellar.  
  
End of Flash back  
  
Aragorn throw off all the plates and dish on the table in front of him, and threw the table to the door, at Legolas. Poor Legolas, was hit, and pinned between the Door and the Table.  
  
'OH! How could you fate?!'((Elvish!)) Legolas cried.  
  
'That is what you get, for taking my beer!' Aragorn snapped back.  
  
'What, was your name on it?' Legolas asked, and the two when into little Kid mode. Well, until the riders of Rohan came back.  
  
"Lord Aragorn, will you ride out with us?" They asked.  
  
"Ride out? Can I come?" Kazuko asked, thinking.  
  
"Can you even walk? You are pretty, beat up." Legolas said, lost for better words.  
  
Kazuko slowly got up, made it half way across the room, to Aragorn, of all people, and hugged him. "It's pretty nice of you to give me a hug." He said, surprised.  
  
"I would punch you, but my arms can't reach that high." ~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei sighed; the Ents were getting on her nerves, she need to get away. "Merry, Pippin, come on, we are leaving!" She said, suddenly lively.  
  
"What? Why?" Pippin asked, and Rei glared.  
  
"No asking Questions, we will now have rules."  
  
"Rules?"  
  
"Yes, Rules," Rei reached into her pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper. "One: No asking Rei any Questions, EVER! Two: Rei is always right, even when she is wrong. Three: You will listen to Rei, she has gonna you this far alive."  
  
Merry raised his hand, "Can we raise our hands, and then ask questions?" He asked.  
  
"Okay, okay, so Rule one has been changed, it now reads as so," Rei found a pen, and began to added to 'the rules', "One: No asking Rei any Questions, unless raising your hand and wait to be called on."  
  
"LIKE IN SCHOOL!" Pippin said, smiling.  
  
"Four," She said, reading off the paper, "There will only be stops when Rei wants or needs to stop. Anyone who tries to stop, will, in short, be killed. Five-"  
  
"Wait, Wait." Merry said, looking confused. "You will kill us if we try to stop?"  
  
"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" She asked, growling.  
  
"No, just checking." Merry said, backing off.  
  
"Six, Rei will carry the food, no one else." Rei paused, then started again. "Seven. There will be no talking unless you are addressed by Rei. Eight-"  
  
"Why are you talking in the third person?" Merry asked, "And on other thing, who made you leader. Did you Pip?"  
  
Pippin looked confused, "No, did you?"  
  
"Aragorn did." Rei answered, "And I am reading the rules, so it was written in the third person."  
  
"Who writes like that?"  
  
"Insane pissed off people?" Pippin said, "So, do I get a prize?" Rei shrugged, "Yeah, sure, here." She said, throwing him a cookie. "Eight-"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lin jumped back, as Shelob stepped out of the blackness. The Large Spider looked down at the little hobbits, hungry. Frodo pulled out his sword, and Sam and Lin followed suit.  
  
Shelob's Fangs began to drip with juices, Lin just walked right up to her; Lin's Face twisted up in a look of being pissed off. "LISTEN YOU!"  
  
Frodo and Sam pulled her back, surprised, "LIN!" Frodo snapped, "Listen Lin, you can't handle his on your own." He started, but Lin had become more smart then him.  
  
"I can too, watch me!" She snapped. She broke free of them, and looked up at the Spider.  
  
"You may be bigger than me, but I have something you don't." She said, and pulled out, a stick?  
  
Frodo lead over to Sam, "She may be cute, but I think she has lost it."  
  
"This may look like a Stick, just a stick. BUT!" Lin was known to use but, a lot, when it came to things like this. "This is Jimmy The Stick!" She yelled, for it had been a long while since they had eaten. Her thoughts were out of wacky.  
  
Frodo looked away, and Sam spoke, "Yeah, she is, but I sadly think this might work."  
  
Frodo almost laughed, "You always were more balls then brains." He said, and looked up at the ceiling.  
  
Shelob looked at Lin, then at Jimmy the Stick. She could have laughed, if Spiders could laugh. She aimed at Lin with one of her legs. And relished it.  
  
There was what sounded like a scream from within the cave. Sam and Frodo stood there shocked. Lin had taken off one of Shelob's leg with the stick. "Dear God." The Two said in unison.  
  
Lin smirked, for the cut was clean. Shelob wailed, slamming herself to one side of the cave, knocking some rocks lose. Frodo and Sam ducked out of the way, and got behind some nooks.  
  
Lin looked into Shelob's eyes, and a battle of wills began. Either move, waiting for the other to move first, plotting out what they could do. Lin looked for a weakness, but only thins she could get to was the legs of this Spider.  
  
Then, it hit her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It's me, Kazoo. Aragorn is mean, so I am not the fasts person in the world. How was I supposed to know that Wood doors can brake so easily, and that is hard to stay on a horse? We have taking up near a forest by helm deeps, and I am still sore from the battle from early.  
  
I have no clue what time of day it is. My watch died a few hours ago, and is stuck on 5:36. It be nice to have something to tell time with, like a sundial or something.  
  
Kazuko.  
  
A/n: And so ends, chapter nine, I thank all that has put nothing but nice Reviews, you all rock! I probably couldn't work as hard as I do will out you! As you can see, I got around to doing the Diaries, and I just need to know if the should be longer or what? Tell me! Or should I do all 3 instead of just one. KITA WANTSS TO KNOW!  
  
This Chapter was brought to you by, The rules of Rei, for she has many. And Mordor lava works, for all your lava working needs.  
  
Next Chapter: Anywhere but here. GET OUT OF MY WAY! As you can see, She is very stupid, and yes, I know you heard me. 


	10. Chapter 10 Anywhere but here GET OUT OF

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 10- Anywhere but here. GET OUT OF MY WAY! As you can see, She is very stupid, and yes, I know you heard me.  
  
A/N: Sorry, been busy!  
  
Kazuko looked around the field they were in. Where the hell was she? She looked around in her backpack, with Legolas watching. She hand him an apple and said one word, "Cut." And he listens, as she began to look again.  
  
"You know, you should be careful. I don't think the elvish way bread ((I CAN'T FIND HOW TO SPELL IT!)) has kicked in yet." Legolas said, handing her a piece of the apple.  
  
"Shut up." She said, pulling at a map. She stuffed the whole piece of the apple into her mouth, and made a sour face. "There is core." She said, and spit out some of it.  
  
"There can't be, I just started cutting it!" Legolas whined.  
  
"There is." She said, and looked down at her map. "Wonder where we are."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Pippin was hungry, Rei haven't let them stop since breakfast, and it was time for Luncheon! He had missed a meal! Or two! He was being to forget! "Rei! Can't we stop for Luncheon?" he cried, forgetting to raise his hand, and be called on.  
  
Rei looked at him funny. "You can miss Luncheon," She said, an eyebrow rising. "And you can handle it, don't try to get out of it like you did with the damn breakfast. You can handle it, because I can." She said, and was walking faster, just to work Pippin harder.  
  
She wanted to run into Kazuko or Lin, sometime soon, and this was only way to do it. Make the hobbits work. That was the way it had to, and was with her. She was beginning to hate this whole damn place, and wanted back home, with her family, computer, and T.V. This was too much, for any fan going though the whole damn quest.  
  
She feel something hard hit her shoulder, and realized it was a person.  
  
"HEY YOU!" She began, then stop.  
  
Pippin snapped out a "Hi hiya!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lin flipped under Shelob, and stabbed up wards. Something fell out of her pack, a copy of the Two Towers. The Spider disappear into the shallows, screaming. There were voices, voices that Lin couldn't name. At first, anyways, then she placed who they were, Kazuko and Rei.  
  
"I can't believe it!" Rei started, "You are alive Kazoo!"  
  
"And so are you!" Kazuko said.  
  
There was one problem, they couldn't heard Lin, as she picked up her book, "Kazuko? Rei? Can you heard me?" she asked aloud.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Rei hugged Kazuko for about the fifth time. "It is so nice to be around a girl again! And not just the damn hobbits!"  
  
Kazuko nodded, "Same here, with out the hobbits."  
  
"So, Aragorn." Rei started.  
  
"Our Brave leader." Kazuko added, rolling her eyes.  
  
"What?" Aragorn answered, not noticing Kazuko.  
  
"Where we going?" She asked.  
  
"The paths of the dead, unless you want to go with the riders of Rohan."  
  
"You don't, trust me." Kazuko intrejeted.  
  
"Yeah," Aragorn agreed.  
  
Rei began to dig into Kazuko's backpack. "Hey, you have the copy of the Return of the King right?"  
  
"I should." She said, "Why?"  
  
"Well, I want to check up with this Path o' Dead thing." She answered, pulling it out. "Here it is." She said, and because to flip though the pages.  
  
A voice come from the pages, sounding like Frodo. "Lin, it could have been your, well, mind." It said.  
  
"What would be?" Rei asked aloud.  
  
"SEE! It speaks!" Sam called, "And we all can-" Rei slamed the book shut.  
  
"Is it just me or have I lost it?" She asked. Merry threw his arm over her shoulder.  
  
"It's not you," He said.  
  
Kazuko started to giggle, and Legolas looked confused, "I thought she didn't like to be touched." He whisper to Kazoo.  
  
"She doesn't and that is the funny part!" She giggled.  
  
Rei smiled for a second, then grabbed Merry's arm. She slowly lifted it off and flipped him off. "YOU ASS!" She snapped, then grabbed Kazoo's Jthm comics. "I will be back in a hour." She said, "Don't follow."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Okay, okay. The book speaks." Frodo said, leading back on the cave wall behind him. "Just pass me, what every we are eating." He asked, a hand reaching out. Somehow, they had found food in one of the packs.  
  
Sam hand him some potatoes, "Well, that all it has to be." He answered, and Lin grined.  
  
"And you all thought I couldn't kill that overgrown spider with a stick. HA!" She said, laughing.  
  
Sam rolled his eyes, "Well, it was close, and we thought you have plum lost it."  
  
"Me, lost it. Come on, don't make me laugh."  
  
"Well, you did have us going for a while, thinking you were turning into Kazoo, trying to kill Gollum, trying to do it again. "Frodo started.  
  
"Well, fine, so I was getting close to."  
  
"Close my ass, you were and you know it."  
  
"Shut up!" Lin snapped and threw a rock at Frodo, who ducked.  
  
The cave began to shake, and what sound like orcs came in from the outside.  
  
A small earthquake began to happen.  
  
Lin began to think the whole world was going to hell, and there was nothing she could do about it. Which was about right.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kazuko and Rei threw their packs over their shoulders, and looked around. "You think we will have to walk?"  
  
"Probably. I just want to know where the hot elf brothers are."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know, the twins. Fuck, what were their names?"  
  
"I unno."  
  
A/n: and IT ENDS!  
  
Okay, so it has been a while, but look, I just need a brake. A long one.  
  
This chapter was brought to you by, Legolas's hair gel, which kepts your hair flat.  
  
Next Chapter: The books that talk. Lin loses it more. I KNOW I KNOW! MAIL TIME! 


	11. Chapter 11 The books that talk Lin loses

The Ladies of the rings  
  
Chapter 11- The books that talk. Lin loses it more. I KNOW I KNOW! MAIL TIME!  
  
A/n.I been so out of it. There been a fight over the fact if we are going to type up this Snape love story. I think it is a go, if I get the word from Rei. Anyhoo, I been, Like I said, out of it. To make up for that, this chapter will be the longest yet. The weird rhyme things are from Rei, btw. And there are three writers on this end of the pc.  
  
"Purple plucky pony Pat paced a pacific pearl," Rei said, and Kazuko laughed.  
  
"Sloppy soldiers sleepily saddled saddened slugs!" She giggled out. Aragorn looked at them. This was sad, and need to be stopped, now!  
  
"KAZUKO! REI! Get yer crap! We're moving out!" Aragorn shouted, and you want to know something, with him sounding like a hick, got them moving faster.  
  
Kazoo (it's funny how I know too am calling myself Kazoo. And I answered to it.) had finally met her hot elf guys, and it wasn't Legolas, as Rei had thought. It involved twins, Elrond's twins, Elladan and Elrohir.  
  
The path of the dead was longer than anyone had thought, for it when on for what felt like miles. If you thought that was long, you didn't want to know how long the long way was. Kazoo had gotten bored, so she began to bitch, like she does when she gets that way. Aragorn was not in the mood.  
  
"LISTEN!" He snapped, "KAZUKO SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANY MORE! IF WE RUN OUT OF FOOD YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON WE ARE EATING!!" He growled.  
  
Kazuko looked at him funny, "Why?"  
  
"Because!" Aragorn sighed. "Because I said so and I am a going to be king!" He added, and stuck out his tongue at her.  
  
"Oh no." Rei said, "Now we have two Kazoos."  
  
Elladan looked at her, "This has happen before I take it?"  
  
"Not with Aragorn, but yeah, it has."  
  
"So there are two kazoos." Legolas started.  
  
Rei finished it for him, "Don't worry, Kazoo will beat him. When She does this, she always does." Rei said, and opened a copy of Johnny the Homicidal Manic.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lin popped her hand for the fifth time. There was nothing keeping them from Mount doom, save the Black Riders. Lucky for them, they were somewhere else at the monument. That had to be a good thing. Right? Lin wasn't sure. "A few more steps.." Sam said, "And we will been done with this whole messy campaign. And then we can go back to the Shire."  
  
"And sit in the bar owned by the Cottons'" Frodo said.  
  
"And Get drunk!" The two said together. "And forget about this whole damn thing."  
  
"Not if I drink it all first."Lin sighed, it was going to be a long trip.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"FECK OFF!"  
  
"YOU ARSEFACE!"  
  
"BUTT MONKIES!" Aragorn said, slamming his fist into the wall. Which was not smart, for it hurt a whole f'ing lot. He began to cuss so that would make a sailor blush. Rei was busy taking notes. The twins were looking around the place with Legolas, and Gimli got the idea that they were doing "elf things". The probably involve some hair gel, and other make-up items.  
  
Kazoo looked at the twenty pages of cuss words that Rei had. "Can I see those?" she asked, reaching for them. Rei growled and read a few pages to her. Kazoo paled significantly, and then attacked her viciously.  
  
"Shouldn't somebody stop them before they kill each other?" one of the twins asked.  
  
"Wanna try it?" Legolas offered, grinning maliciously. He quickly shook his head and watched the two girls rolling around on the ground, shrieking and pulling the others' hair. Kazoo had a scrap of Rei's sleeve in her mouth.  
  
"My money's on the biter," Aragorn whispered to Gimli.  
  
"Ten to one that the other one kicks her ass," he hissed back.  
  
The girls stopped and looked at each other, then burst into tears and embraced. "I'm sorry, Kazoo!" Rei bawled.  
  
"I'm sorrier," Kazoo wailed, wiping snot on Rei's tunic. Rei whacked her around the head, and then wailed some more.  
  
Aragorn shook his head. "Females, I swear." Kazoo and Rei looked to, glaring at Aragorn in a way that made him want to hide behind a couch for the rest of his life. With another shriek, the two girls leapt at him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Frodo?"  
  
"What, Sam?"  
  
"Whatever happened to those Orcs?"  
  
Lin turned around. "Yeah. Where did they go?"  
  
Frodo cupped his hands and drummed his fingers against each other. "Plot device, my dear friends. Plot device." Lin whacked him across the head, and then shook her head.  
  
"Dumb ass."  
  
"I AM NOT!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas and the twins were carrying the broken body of Aragorn as Kazuko and Rei smiled sinisterly now quite satisfied.  
  
"Now you see why I just let them drive me crazy," Legolas pointed out.  
  
Aragorn looked up at Legolas and growled, hit him on the head, and took the second to last Johnny comic just to read the last couple pages (if you know Johnny it would be a lot funnier). "If I'm needed, which I better not be, I'll be over here," Aragorn raised both arms in opposite directions and began to walk backwards.  
  
Rei rummaged through Kazuko's backpack and pulled out a notebook full of tally marks.confusing Legolas, but at the moment he was confused about a couple things due to the nice lump on his head; courtesy of Aragorn.  
  
"Ok, so now what?" The twins asked Rei and Kazuko.  
  
"Now we wait," Rei answered.  
  
Both the twins cocked their heads in different directions out of confusion.  
  
"Then the fun begins.."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ Lin looked over at Frodo, "There is something on your head." She said.  
  
"What?" Frodo asked, half asleep.  
  
"There is something on your head." Lin said again.  
  
"There what on my what?"  
  
"FRODO! THERE SOMETHING ON YOUR HEAD!" Sam yelled, then paused. "YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!"  
  
"AAHHH! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"  
  
Lin rolled her eyes.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The fire had died down to warm embers as Aragorn, the twins, Rei, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, and Kazuko (notice how Kazuko and Legolas are listed together in the list of the sleeping group). Anyway, everyone was sleeping when two whispering voices could be heard.  
  
"John Jacob Jinglehimmershmit, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIMMERSHMIT! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Kazuko and Rei said then immediately faked sleep.  
  
Aragorn jumped up startled, "Oh, it's nothing Aragorn, just go back to sleep."  
  
The twins giggled softly. Rei smirked to herself, and kicked Merry, "Get your hand off my ass." She growled softly to him.  
  
"Sorry." Merry voice was higher than a mouse's squeak.  
  
Kazuko was worst off when Legolas rolled over on top of her. "Help...Someone.."  
  
But some how, a few seconds later, something was sung thought the air.  
  
"John Jacob Jinglehimmershmit, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIMMERSHMIT! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Kazuko and Rei said then immediately faked sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"How the hell did your hair get on fire?" Lin asked, gawking at Frodo's smoldering head.  
  
"I don't know. I was sleeping farthest away from the fire pit."  
  
Lin looked around, confused. "Hey, where's Sam?"  
  
"Huh?" Frodo looked around. "Huh. He's not here."  
  
"No fucking kidding."  
  
"Hehe. Hey guys, y'all come look at this he'ar."  
  
"Oh crap."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Where's my Johnny comics?" Kazuko demanded, searching thru her backpack.  
  
"Whaddya mean 'where are my Johnny comics'?" Legolas asked, trying to sound stupid (which, to tell you the truth, didn't seem to be that hard).  
  
"I mean 'where's my Johnny comics'!"  
  
Legolas edged away at the very tone of Kazuko's voice. "Uh.I-I-I t-think I- I s-saw Aragorn t-take them." He pointed with a trembling finger towards the trees. With a low growl, Kazoo stormed thru the trees.  
  
There was a series of loud noises. First a shuffling from the brush, then a warrior scream, then a girlish shriek that was definitely Aragorn and some loud bitch slaps and fist slams. Kazoo emerged, happily holding her comics close to herself. Aragorn emerged a few seconds later, with a bloody nose, black eyes, and there were a few cuts on his scruffy cheeks.  
  
Everyone who witnessed this spectacle broke into wild applause.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lin, Frodo, and Sam walked up to the fires of Mount doom. They all stopped, sighed, and began to walk again..except for Lin.  
  
Frodo looked behind him, "Lin?"  
  
"Wow, have we really come this far?"  
  
Frodo smiled warmly at her, "Yes, that we have."  
  
Lin hugged Frodo and Sam joined in too.  
  
Ok Sam we all know you love Frodo.the book spoke in the voice of Kazuko. Lin pulled Frodo closer to her, "No.he's mine," she turned her voice creepiest, "My precious."  
  
Frodo raised his hands, "Ok, I'm officially freaked out now."  
  
"KAZUKO!" Sam cried, "How could you say that?"  
  
"It's the truth isn't it?" Kazuko asked.  
  
"Yeah." Rei answered.  
  
Sam blushed embarrassed, "Master Frodo.? Master Frodo!"  
  
Lin and Frodo were.uh.well.let's just say they needed to come up for air.soon.  
  
Sam turned away and talked to Kazuko and Rei through the book, "Can't pick on me no more now can ya?"  
  
"No." Kazuko admitted. "But now we can pick on Lin!" Rei added.  
  
Lin hearing this stormed over to Sam, "Gimme that!"  
  
Rei and Kazuko were laughing their asses off. "You missed Kazoo kicking Aragorn's ass." Rei said, through her laugher.  
  
"Aw, dammit."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kazoo slammed the book shut, "Aragorn said we are moving out. That's good right?" She asked Rei.  
  
"Not for us. Why?"  
  
"It appears..Someone has left us some mail." One of the twins said. Everyone leaned in.  
  
"There the mail, it never fails, it makes me want to wag my tail, when it comes, I want to wail MAIL!" Kazoo and Rei sang.  
  
"Now that.." Aragorn said, "Was scary."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lin, Sam, and Frodo stood on the edge of Mount doom. "You know what." Frodo said, in an unearthly voice, "I think I will kept this ring.."he said, and laughed the evil villain laugh. (You know the one, from Saturday morning cartoons. No, not that kind, more like-)  
  
Lin glared at Kazoo, the one who was typing, "Get on with!"  
  
(Oh, sorry..)  
  
Frodo held up the ring, and Gollum appear out of nowhere, biting Frodo's finger off. The one holding the ring, and it was not a sad sight to see that damn thing falling into the fires of mount doom. (Yes, I know, very anticlimaxes, but I am sick of this damn story, and haven't slept in days. So-)  
  
"MY LORD!" Frodo snapped at the author, and held on to his hand, which was bleeding.  
  
(Fine, that is it! You are gonna be in drag in my next story!)  
  
"HAHAHA!" Sam laughed.  
  
(You too.)  
  
They all past out.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lin woke up slowly. "Where am I?" She asked.  
  
"HI LIN!" Kazoo yelled.  
  
"What happen? Wasn't I on mount doom?" Lin asked, "What are we doing here. In the video store?"  
  
Kazuko smiled, "Plot device. Well, we destroyed the ring, so I guess we get to be back to normal. Why?"  
  
"Wait a second, where is Rei."  
  
"Move your arse." Rei growled, under Lin.  
  
"Well, let not rent lord of the rings.I have had my fill.." Lin said, uneasy. "How was your all quest?"  
  
"Pretty cool, and-"  
  
And that was the end of that unspeakable wonder.  
  
A/n: IT'S DONE! And that is a great feeling. Sorry about the ending, it did kinda suck, didn't it? I kinda wanted it to end, so I could write the next one, and that one deals with toasters. This one was taking up as much time as another, which we have almost finished. Now we have to type it, and that is gonna be hell.  
  
And now, the last time, I will sell you crap, for a while.  
  
The one ring cleaner system, for your entire ring cleaning needs.  
  
Stay tuned for the next one: Don't play with the toaster! 


	12. Dpwtt Chapter one What is going on here!

Don't play with the Toaster  
  
Chapter one-What is going on here!  
  
A/n: I can't believe it has taken me this long to write this one! And didn't feel like making a new story to go with it, so I just added it to Ladies of the ring. It made since that the time. After all, it's the same story, just a new part of it.  
  
Kazuo when up the stairs to her apartment, her heart sank. She hasn't been able to get that new job at the theater across town. They wanted someone with more of a bounce to them. Meaning they didn't want someone with a tongue ring, but that didn't bother Kazuo, it not like she as wasn't a virgin. She whipped out her keys, and began to unlock the door. She paused at a sound that she couldn't name; sounding like someone just screamed fuck you at another. The sounds of the door below opened, and a woman began to yell. Kazuo rolled her eyes, and opened her door.  
  
She closed the door, whipped the deadbolt shut, and dropped her bag on the floor beside her feet. She slipped off her shoes, and brushed the light on with her hand. She looked over at her cat, which was curled up sleeping in her lazy boy. She passed by him, scratched behind his ear, which woke him up. He meowed, and hissed at her. "Fine." Said, "See if I will feed you now." At the word 'feed', he began to rub on the lazy boy, and purred. "Fine, you win. Get in the Kitchen."  
  
The Cat ran into the other room, its tail sticking up in the air happily. Kazuo just sighed, and picked up the phone. She dialed the numbers that she knew so well, and pressed it to her ear. "Hello?" A Fuamiar voice said.  
  
"Momma Lin," She started, "I didn't get it. They wanted someone with more, let see, bounce as they put it." She grabbed a pen, and began to draw on the pad of paper that was sitting next to the phone's base.  
  
"That suck, zuo, you alright?"  
  
"I think it was my tongue ring that did it. Why is it that when I get it, everyone thinks I am a slut? I have barely dated, let alone slept with someone." Kazuo looking into the darkness in her hallway, something moving in the corner, near her bedroom. She paused, and lend around the corner to look into the kitchen, and there was her cat who was looking at her, wanting his food. "Lin, give me a second, would ya?" She sat the phone and walked down the hall a little. She grabbed the bat from the coat rack, as she paced by.  
  
"Gees, where the hell are we?" A voice said. It was something that sounds like she had heard it before, but it couldn't have been. Kazuo had never been in a robbery before, and now her mind was racing.  
  
'There was eight, no, nine of them.' Her mind told her, 'They are planning to take everything you have, and your hamster, Jill, is in there!'  
  
There was someone standing in the doorway of her bedroom, which she smacked on the back with bat, knocking him out. The body skin to the floor, she flicked the light on. There was a group gasp, as she stared into the eyes of the fellowship, save the dead one, and the one known as King, who was now in a happy dream on the floor.  
  
Legolas stepped over Aragorn's body, and looked hard at this girl who was standing with a bat still in hand. He reached out, and touched her cheek. "KAZOO!" He about shouted, "Look what you did to Aragorn!" He pointed to the body of him, and glared at her. "I have to take him back to Arwen in one piece!"  
  
Kazuo turned a green color, causing Legolas to move out of her way, as she passed out on top of Aragorn.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lin banged on Kazuo's door, Rei by her side. "I can't believe this, she never came back to the phone, and I wasn't sure what to do." She said, turning to the window next to the door, and unclipping the screen. Kazuo usually had this window opened during the summer, and the screen had broken down long before she moved in. Lin climbed in through the window, and when out to let Rei in. The lights where all out, and everything was where it should be, and it was clean. All those things were unusually, unusually.  
  
"This is a little odd." Lin said, unlocking the door, and then flicking on the lights. There was the fellowship of the ring, minus Boromir, who had kicked the bucket a while back. "Okay.. Rei," Lin asked, dumbfounded, "Are you seeing what I am seeing?"  
  
"Aragorn is eagle spread on the couch, Kazuo looks like she was smacked in the head with a sword, and the hobbits are staring at us like we have grow two heads?" Lin nodded, "Yeah, then we are seeing the same thing. Now can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?"  
  
Gandalf stood up, taking a bow, "Well, it's a long story that starts when-"  
  
"In short version, Gandalf screwed up." Pippin said, calmly. There was a loud wooded thump noise, and Pippin was left grabbing his head.  
  
Kazuo pointed to her forehead, "Passed out, landed on Aragorn's sword."  
  
"And he-"  
  
"Was knocked out by me." Kazuo said, "Baseball bat to the back of the head. I think he is going to be about as pissed as a Bat out of hell. Hopefully he is having a good dream right now."  
  
"Like?" Rei asked, and everyone paled, "You are right, we shouldn't think about that. So, what should we do now?"  
  
"Well, they all can't stay with me." Kazuo started, "I only have enough room for three more people."  
  
"Only two." Rei said, taking a seat in the lazy boy.  
  
"I will take the last three then." Lin said, "So, who getting who?"  
  
"I am not taking them," Kazuo said, pointing to Pippin and Merry, "Sadly, I don't trust them at all."  
  
"I will, I know how their minds work." Rei said, and Merry and Pippin got hopeful, "And, Pip, Merry, don't even think about it. It's not going to happen." They lost their hopeful looks.  
  
"Where are the others going?" Kazuo said, holding a bag of ice to her head.  
  
Aragorn popped right up. "Mmmmmmmm.. I have to use the little King room," He said, in a child-like voice.  
  
The girls all paled. Kazuo looked at Lin, who looked at Rei. Rei just shrugged, "Someone has got to. . well, explain to him how things work in our time."  
  
A/n: Well, that different.. And have you missed me, Fans of Ladies of the ring?  
  
Come to Gondor's House of Healers for a spa you will never forget, and live to remember! 


	13. Dpwtt Chapter Two What did you do!

Don't play with the Toaster  
  
Chapter Two-What did you do?!  
  
A/N: BOO  
  
Aragorn looked at each girl, whose mouths hung open, not sure what to say. Lin hiccupped, Rei stared, and Kazuko just looked at her feet. "Mmm.Aragorn, I have to tell you that a lot of things have changed, since your time, and-" Kazoo started, then stopped, not sure how to explained what he have to do.  
  
"What? All that matters is that I get to pee." Aragorn stated, and watched the color drain from the girls' faces. "Right?"  
  
"Well, you will, but-"  
  
"But? Legolas, why did she say but?" A few seconds later, Aragorn was staring into the toilet. "How the hell do I use that?" He asked, wide eyed.  
  
Rei smiled, and patted him on the shoulder, "That is what you and Legolas get to figure out together!" She said, shoving Legolas though the doorway, and Kazuko shut it. The three pushed themselves up against the door, as Legolas banged on it.  
  
"Why me?" He yelled, as Aragorn just watched him, somewhat surprised. After a few, he turned to Aragorn, pushing some of his hair out of his face. "Well.. there has to be something about this thing that.well.does something."  
  
Aragorn looked at the roll of toilet paper, "What you think this is?"  
  
"I don't know, Aragorn, I just don't know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Rei turned her head to Lin, "You think once they figure it out, and they can explain it's to the others?"  
  
"Maybe we should get them so baby potty training books." Kazuko said, and got ignored.  
  
"Hopeful, I don't know about you, but I want potty trained fellowship members." Lin asked, "How about we leave Gimli and the other to in the bathroom for Kazuko, I will take Gandalf, Sam and Frodo, like some packaged deal."  
  
"So I get Merry and Pippin? That not very fair." Rei said. Merry winked at her, and she raised an eyebrow. "Something tells me that I am not going to have to much fun."  
  
Lin whispered in Rei's ear this, "Just pretend you have a boyfriend, they will leave you alone."  
  
"And where I am going to get one of those?"  
  
"One of the guys at the theater," Lin answered.  
  
"Lin, they are gay. And they are dating. Each other." Rei snapped.  
  
"They are still Actors."  
  
Rei sighed, and picked up the remote, which was sitting on the floor. She turned on the T.V and sent all the fellowship members that were still in the room into the air. Frodo was the first brave one to reach out and touch the screen. "Don't even think about it. You can't touch him, he's not there."  
  
Frodo jerked his hand back after getting his hair to stand on it. Shock from anything other than a carpet was too much from anyone from middle earth.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn returned from their to close for comfort audient, and climbed up on the couch next to Sam and Gimli. There was a long pause, until Aragorn said one thing, "Who the hell is that?" He asked, pointing to someone on the screen.  
  
"That Viggo." Kazuko said, through her bit of popcorn. "Mortensen." There was another pause. "Why?"  
  
"What is with his hair.. it's so.so."  
  
"Girly?" Kazuko said, (Don't look at me like that, I like Viggo, he's cool) "Yeah, he played you in the Lord of the rings movie..hehehehe."  
  
"That thing-"  
  
"Hey, Viggo is cool, he paints, and writes poems.and..and.takes pictures! He is male, so use the him, he, or his pronoun when speaking about him. We do it with you."  
  
"So? That not manly at all!"  
  
"You wouldn't know manly if it bite you on the ass." Legolas began to rub his templates, and Aragorn and Kazoo growled at each other. They began to go into a staring contest, and no one seemed to care.  
  
"So, Legolas, did you have fun with Aragorn in the bathroom?"  
  
"I have one thing to say. Wet."  
  
"The toilet or the tub?"  
  
"I think both.."  
  
"I see. You cleaned right?"  
  
"With a towel, yes. I never want to have to be that close to Aragorn again. I mean it."  
  
Rei nodded, "You will explained to the others right?"  
  
"DAMNIT!!!" Aragorn shouted, "How dare you beat me!!"  
  
"Yeah," Legolas said, "I will. Please tell me I don't have to live with that?"  
  
"I say the same thing every day."  
  
A/n:.Well.I'm back...  
  
The Fellowship's Punk boys, been rocking Middle Earth since the third Age. 


	14. Dpwtt Chapter Three Don’t touch the frid

Don't play with the Toaster  
  
Chapter Three-Don't touch the fridge  
  
A/M: M is for Memo! Get ready for some football!!!  
  
Kazuo was rushing for work, not that it was anything unusual. Well, it was unusual that this one girl, who was out on her own was now dealing with 3 other people in her apartment. She also had to treat them with the child- like attitude, for they had no clue how most of the crap worked here. "So, do you get how to work the Microwave? And do you know where the Hot pockets are?"(A/M: That my diet!) She asked, finishing the last list of directions. She could only hope that they could read them. After all, she wasn't too sure about how much they could do. "I don't think I have left anything out. Can you handle being on your own?"  
  
There were three nods. Not a bad sign. Not really a good sign either if they had no clue what she was talking about. Which was most likely the case, but Kazuo was going out on a limb here. "My work number is by the phone, and if the lady at the desk says I am not, then ask for Lin or Rei." There was another pause, with more nodding. Kazuko bite her lip, "Aragorn? Legolas? Gimli? Are you all getting all this?" She asked for clarification. The three nodded. (A/m: Note, short, choppy sentences! FLAME ME!) "Okay, I am just gonna leave the numbers here, and if you need anything.. call." She paused, one more time just to let them say something. Nothing came, and she smiled little. "Okay, I'm going now, I will be back at around five, and remember, we are going to Rei's for dinner to night." She grabbed her key off the table by the door and left them alone.  
  
There was nothing said until they were sure that she was down the steps. Aragorn turned to Legolas, "Did you get any of that?"  
  
"Not at all."  
  
"Gimli?"  
  
"Some."  
  
"That's good.what did you get?"  
  
"How to work that.televis-thingy.."  
  
"At least we won't get bored."  
  
Legolas looked at the small little hamster in the cage. It looked back at him with sad eyes, and Legolas nodded at it. (I unno how, but he talks to animals..) "Okay Nibbles, I will let you free. Aragorn, open the cage, I want my friend free!" He said, pointing. Aragorn raised an eyebrow, but over the many years of knowing Legolas, he knew not to ask questions. He undid the lock, and the hamster walked out into his hand.  
  
"There Legolas, she is free." He said, handing the hamster to the elf. "Have fun."  
  
Legolas just grinned. About 10 seconds later, all hell broke lose.  
  
Gimli, who was at the time in front of the TV, just turned it up. "So, Brad, tell us about your girlfriend?" A man, with dyed blonde hair asked some guy on TV.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Pippin looked over at Merry, "Well, she is gone. Now what?"  
  
"Now.. I unno.. we could call someone.she told us how to work the fone." Merry said, putting his feet on the table that Rei had told them not to. But Merry's brain had down a detour as she spoke, so strongly to the point, it was lost all on him. After the PowerPoint presentations, and the posters that now lined the walls where clouding his mind. The best thing was that he was blocking most of this out.  
  
"True.. but who do we know to call?" Pippin asked, looking at his cousin.  
  
"You think we can get the shire on this thing?" If you can't tell, the 'genius' Hobbits forgot that they didn't have phones.  
  
Pippin pulled out the phone book, and the two carried it over to the coffee table. " Rei said that everyone is in the fone book. It has to tell us, it would only make sense too." The two poured over the phone book, looking for the shire in the 's's. That was when the phone rang, and Pippin answered, holding it upside down.  
  
"Hello, is the man of the house in?" A telemarketer asked. Pippin looked over at Merry, and then shook his head. "Hello, is anyone there?"  
  
"Pip, who is it? Is it the shire?" Merry asked, leaning over the table while on Miss Stein's number.  
  
"I unno." Pippin had just realized that he was holding it improperly, and changed to make the example that Rei had given him.  
  
"Excuse me sir," The telemarketer said, whose name was Tim, for the sake of my sanity. "Are you the man of the house?"  
  
Pippin dropped the phone a little, "Merry, am I the man of the house?"  
  
Merry shrugged, "I unno. Who is it?"  
  
Pippin tried to put on his manliest voice, which sounded like a little kid, to tell the truth. "Why yes, this is the Man of the house. What can I do for you?" There was a pause, as Tim put him on speaker phone, "Did I mention I was the man of the house?"  
  
"Little boy, Is you mother or father home?" Tim said, as some of his co- workers were listening in.  
  
Here was a pause, "What are you talking about? I am the man of the house?" Some of the evil telemarketers began to grin.  
  
"Do you even know what a condom is?" Half of the telemarketers were now on the floor, holding their side.  
  
You see, telemarketers, most of which are trying to get into some collage, are tricked into becoming demons, and just get nothing but a job out of screwing up someone's day. And do they do it well. Tim was one of the best, with his 100 calls in one hour. Rarely do they get calls like Pip and Merry, so they have to share the job and joy in screwing someone over.  
  
There was another pause, as Pip mouthed condom over at Merry. Merry looked confused at him, and god, we all know that look. "What Pip?"  
  
"Sir, are you questioning me?" Pippin said, not answering Merry.  
  
"Well, no little boy, now, were is your mother?"  
  
"She is out, and my dad is.. well, I unno.. Why do you need to know?!"  
  
Merry smacked his forehead, "Pip, just give me the phone." Pip handed it over, and Merry smirked while he answered. "Has my son been giving you a hard time? Well, what can I do for you?"  
  
"Sir, I was here to sell you some." Tim started.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lin leaned back in her chair, knowing that her fellowship members where fine. Gandalf was watching daytime TV, and Sam was working on Dinner. She knew this because Frodo had just called her like she told him to. She only hoped that Gandalf was watching talk shows, and not one of the porno's that came on the under 100 channels. She only hopped that the Wizard had more dignity than that. So she was relaxed, but she could be heard muttering to herself about burning houses coming from Kazoo's desk. She could only smile, and Jake, one of the actors, came up holding out a phone. "It's for you." He said, and handed it to her.  
  
"Hello?" She asked, confused.  
  
"ARAGORN! HAMSTER! VAK-CUM!" She heard Legolas about yell into the phone.  
  
"Slow down!"  
  
A/n:.The Football will have to wait..and you know what, I almost forgot to sell you all somethin'!  
  
White Tree of Gondor paper, for when you need to say I tree to. I need to Tree you. 


	15. DPWTT Chapter FourThe hamsters story… Pa...

Don't play with the Toaster  
  
Chapter Four-The hamsters story.. Part one  
  
A/M: I promise you that no hamsters where hurt in this fan fic. And don't think to hard about this chapter folks. And there are two things I am in need of, and that is this, I would Love fan art for these, and any ideas that you all have, I am more than happy to add, as long as it doesn't deal with anyone falling in love with anyone. That is just stupid, and uncalled for, at else in my mind. I don't want to make this a love story.I find most annoying as is..  
  
A few hours before the call that shook up this phone called that would change their lives forever, Aragorn and Legolas were poking around Kazuko's apartment, looking for anything mildly interesting. They found something in her closest that shocked them both. "IT'S THE GIRLY MAN!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"Well.. I wouldn't say that girly.he is wearing.. a.what would you call that?" Legolas said, turning his head, Nibbles on his shoulders. (That the hamster's name, for you stupid people out there.)  
  
"I don't know. But why would Kazuko have that in there?"  
  
"Maybe she didn't want anyone to see it." Legolas said, and moved the door, and gasped in surprise. "LOOK!"  
  
"Oh my.what is that?"  
  
"It looks like you.. only that you are wearing a really gray, ugly tunic thing." He said, petting Nibbles on the head, and looked. "And you don't have a beard anymore.definably not you at all."  
  
"Shut up you elf." Legolas gasped, and Aragorn grinned at his statement. There was a pause. "Legolas, where is Nibbles?"  
  
Legolas looked at his shoulder and gasped. "OH DEAR! We have to find my friend!" he sobbed, grabbing on to Aragorn.  
  
"Look, Legolas, it's a hamster."  
  
"IT'S MY FRIEND!"  
  
"Okay, Okay, stay clam." Aragorn said, looking for something to help them catch the small creature. That when his eyes caught the vacuum cleaner. "Hey, Gimli," He called into the other room, "Do you have any clue what Kazoo said about working this?"  
  
Gimli turned off the TV with a grunt and came in. "What do you need it for?" He asked, and watched as Aragorn and Legolas wrestled to get it out of the closet. "I shouldn't ask, should I?"  
  
"No, you shouldn't, just show us how to turn it on."  
  
Now, to the phone call.  
  
"ARAGORN! HAMSTER! VA-CUM!"  
  
"Legolas, slowly down." Lin said, still trying to work out what he had said.  
  
"ARAGORN! THE HAMSTER! OH VALAR THE HAMSTER!" There was the sound of a fight on the other side, and Lin raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, we sucked Kazoo's hamster in the va-cum cleaner. What should we do?"  
  
Lin was dumb-founded, after all, she had never even thought of something like that happening. "And?"  
  
"We killed it." There was a shout of I didn't help in anyway from a dwarf, who was hushed. "What should we do?"  
  
"Okay," Lin said, rubbing her forehead, glad she had just sent Kazoo out of the room. "You killed Kazoo's hamster?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"She is gonna kill you. There is no way around that. Do you have the body?"  
  
"Yes, we got it out of that devil machine."  
  
"Okay, did you clean up afterwards?"  
  
Aragorn looked over at the mess that was all over the living room. "Working on it. Legolas, clean up."  
  
"Okay.Well, Kazoo is still gonna kill you, but this is beside the point. You need to get her a new hamster. She has some money hidden in her underwear drawer under her thongs. (I hate you Lin, but I put it in anyways.)"  
  
"Thongs?"  
  
"You can't miss them, they are pink.."  
  
There was what sounded like an other bawl on the phone, "Gimli here."  
  
"You think you can get them to get the money?" Lin asked, wishing that she could be there to see the discovery of what thongs were." You know what, did Kazuko show you how to work the video camera?"  
  
"I am one step a head of you, I got the whole hamster thing one tape."  
  
"You know what Gimli, I didn't know that dwarves were that smart with things like that. Erm, I mean-"  
  
"We are better at mining," Gimli said, beaming, "I should really help the idiots with all this. Talk to you at Dinner?"  
  
"Sure." Lin said, and Gimli clicked off. He paused, smiled, and threw the phone at the cat who was now in his chair. The cat shot off, and took his seat. There was a show to watch now.  
  
Aragorn and Legolas had the drawer of Kazuko undies, and were throwing them every were to find the pink thongs. "Hey, Aragorn," Legolas said, holding up the evil that was in Kazuko's drawer, "You think these are it?" He said, pulling out the green that was inside.  
  
Aragorn smiled, taking the cash from Legolas, "I believe this is what we were looking for." Aragorn picked up the thong, "You know what, why would anyone want to wear one of these?" He asked, looking through a leg hole. "They look like they would hurt..Legolas, will you model it for us?"  
  
Gimli, who was drinking some water at the time, about sent the whole thing through his nose, as Legolas looked like Aragorn has told him to eat his first born. "No way. There are Kazuko's.." He shifted uncomfortably looking at Aragorn through the bottom of his eyelids.  
  
Gimli smiled, "You know, the closest Pet shop is about a mile away on Tenth Street, you better hurried if you want to get back in time for Kazoo getting home."  
  
Aragorn and Legolas bolted out the door. Only to come back a few seconds later to pick up the directions, then they were off.  
  
A/M: And that is the end of that chapter.. Well, I am think about making this a two-parter, only because it would be fun, and I think next chapter is going to be move with Pip and Merry, than Aragorn and Legolas, and what really happened with the hamster will come out. Any one who will do fan art for this, or wants to use the sayings, just email me, and give me some credit (that's for the sayings.I love them so much.)  
  
Lothlorinen night-lights, to keep the bad things out. 


	16. DPWTT Chapter Five The hamster story Par...

Don't play with the Toaster  
  
Chapter Five- The hamster story.. Part two  
  
A/m: There is a plot.I have just yet to figure out what it is!  
  
Aragorn looked at the paper he had grabbed off the table, trying to find Pig Road. He looked up at the street sign that him and Legolas were standing under. Then back down at the paper. Then up again. Legolas looked a little confused at him, and still hummed a lament for his hamster friend, and eating a candy bar from Kazuko oh-so-not-secret-stash. "This way." He grabbed the elf by his wrist, and began to drag him across the crosswalk.  
  
Cars slammed to a halt, and Aragorn smiled, "You know what, Legolas, the future isn't that bad."  
  
Legolas nodded as some drivers began to scream at them. "How much farther?"  
  
"Let's see...about..20 more blocks."  
  
"Hmmmm."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Merry nodded, "It's been nice talking to you, Tim." He turned to Pippin, who was sitting in front of the couch, legs far apart. He hung up the phone, throwing it across the table. "So.when do you think that package will get here?"  
  
Pippin shrugged, and went back to eating his ice cream, which he had found in the Fridge.  
  
The funny thing about this ice cream, is that it was Rei's secret stash from when Kazuko comes over. She would come out eating a bowl, then saying how sorry she was for eating it. She made sure to do it every time, just so she could watch the attempt of Kazuko's for 'the sweet booty of ice cream' as Kazuko would say. Kazuko would never find any, so it was interesting that Pippin of all people, had found some. The brains that Pippin had, over rode Kazuko's power of food senses that she seemed to create in her own wake.  
  
And no, I don't want it to make any sense to you.  
  
Now, weren't or not Kazuko was smarter or stupider than Pippin, has noting to do with the plot, but the writer of this tale is high off of soda, and will now skip to Sam and Frodo, without doing an tense changes or anything. Please make sure to hang on.  
  
Frodo looked over at Sam, "This is booring with out Lin."  
  
Sam nodded, "I agree Mister Frodo."  
  
"Sam, will you please stop calling me that? It makes you sound gay."  
  
Gandalf, who was engrossed in what the further called Talk shows, a horror to mankind, was blow way by this comment, and that the child called Rawanda was not this man named Halo's Kid. "Sam.you are not gay?" Gandalf called from Lin's over comfortable chair. This Chair caused wars, for the second you hit it, you would travel to a land where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer. (Okay, no more weird Al for me..Erm, were was I?)  
  
"Of course not! I got married! And HAD KIDS!  
  
Frodo paused, "So? You could still be gay."  
  
Sam's mouth dropped. "You live with me! You know how much I love Rose!"  
  
"You could be faking." Gandalf pointed out.  
  
Sam sighed, "Why would I fake that?"  
  
"I unno," Said Frodo, "It just always seemed you ever gay."  
  
"MY MAN AIN'T YOUR BABY'S DADDY!" A voice called out, which echoed off the walls the apartment. Gandalf looked out the window, were what he was just watching, seemed to have grown to something outside for him. He grinned.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Let me get this right," The pet storeowner, said, looking at the dead hamster in front of him. "You want me, to give you one just like this one?" He said, holding up Nibbles by the foot. Aragorn and Legolas nodded for him to continue. "Do you realize that the only other one we have has," The owner paused, realizing that he didn't have a choice in the matter. "The only one I can give you is that one." He said, pointing to a cage in the corner.  
  
Legolas pushed down on the Candy Bar, for it was sticky and a lot stronger than the last one he had had. Aragorn and him walked toward a cage with the hamster in it. Aragorn gasped, a little surprised at the side of the hamster. Yes, the side of the hamster. "That can't be a hamster!" Aragorn said, pointing to it. "There is no way that anything could be that big!"  
  
"That it or leave it." The Owner said, "It's your choice. Do you want your roommate to kill you or not."  
  
Aragorn, who was the only sane mind on the trip, looked at the hamster. He knew that Legolas would go on with anything he said, and that the hamster was need. He knew what he had to do, but dear god, that hamster was huge. And at the rate they were going, they would never get back in time to get to Kazoo's. "Okay," He sighed, claiming defeat. "We will take him." He said, throwing his cash on the table, trading it for a cardboard box that was duly hand over.  
  
"Aragorn, what time does Kazoo get home?" Legolas asked, looking at a clock.  
  
"Five, why?" He said, after all, Kazuko had said it six times.  
  
"Then we are so screwed."  
  
A/M: And that is the end of that chapter!  
  
Rivendell's Alarm Systems, A thing that you will never for get you have. 


End file.
